Improve your personality

26 Things that will improve your personality

Here we will discuss 26 things that can improve your personality. So let’s start to understand this.

personality development
26 Things that will improve your personality



Remember that 99 times out of 100, no man ever criticizes himself for anything, no matter however wrong he may be. It is human nature that the wrongdoer blames everybody but himself.
Criticism is futile because it puts a man on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is also dangerous because it wounds a man’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance and arouses his resentment. Let us realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself and condemn us in return.
One should learn not to act impulsively. Never file a complaint or make a criticism immediately after a thing has happened. Sleep on your grudge first and cool off.
Remember that sharp criticisms and rebukes almost invariably end in futility.


Let us remember that everybody likes a compliment. Prof. William James of Harvard has said, The deepest principal in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. The rare individual who honestly satisfies this heart hunger will hold people in the palm of his hand.
Charles Schwa b, who was paid a million dollars salary per year by Andrew Carnegie way back in the early part of the last century, has said that he was paid this salary largely because of his ability in his own words; I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among the men the greatest asset I possess, and the way to bring out the best in a man is by appreciation and encouragement. There is nothing else that so kills the ambition of a man as criticisms from his supervisors. I never criticize anyone. I believe in giving a man incentive to work. So I am anxious to praise and loathe finding fault. If I like anything I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise. Schwa b declared, I have yet to find a man, however great exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval then he would ever do under a spirit of criticism.
We should differentiate appreciation from flattery. Flattery is shallow, selfish and insincere. It seldom works with discerning people. It ought to fail and usually does. On the other hand, appreciation is sincere. Comes from the heart; and is unselfish. Let’s cease thinking of our own accomplishments and our wants. Let us try to figure out the other man’s good points. They forget flattery. Give honest and sincere appreciation. Be hearty in your appreciation and lavish in your praise and people will cherish your words and treasure them for a life time. There is only one way to get anybody to do anything- yes, just one way- and that is by making the other person want to do it. It is the only voluntary and willing way.
All other methods like coercion, threat, authority, etc. have undesirable repercussions and will not result in a wholehearted effort. What do people want? Sigmund Freud says, it is the desire to be great Prof. John Dewey puts it differently as the desire to be important. The person who honestly satisfies this key craving will easily win over people.
It is widely said that praise is the finest, the cheapest and possibly the best tool of management.


The only way to influence a person is to talk about what he wants and showing him to how to get it. Remember that action springs out from what we fundamentally desire. The best piece of advice which can give to would be persuaders, whether in business, in the home, in the school, or in any field is: First arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.
Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask: How can I make him want to do this?. You must first put yourself in the other man’s shoes and see the problem as he sees it. Always try to see the result of your decision from the other man’s point of view. Consider all the angles. Don’t be impulsive.
Here is one of the best of bits of advice ever given about the fine art of human relationship. If there is one secret of success said Henry Ford, It lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from his angle as well as your own. That is so simple, so obvious. Yet 90% of the people on this earth ignore it 90% of the time.
If a salesman can show us how his services or his merchandise will help us solve our problems, he won’t need to sell us. We will buy. And, remember, a customer likes to feel that he is buying and not being sold.
Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other man’s point of view. Remember that even if the other person is totally wrong, he doesn’t think so. Don’t condemn him. Try to understand him. There is a reason why the other person things and acts as he does. Ferret out the hidden reason and you have the key to his action and perhaps also to his personality.


You can make more friends in two months by becoming interest in other people than you can two years by trying to get other people interested in you. If we merely try to impress people and get people interested in us, we will never have many true and sincere friends. Alfred Alder, the famous Viennese psychologist says, It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is form among such individuals that all human failure spring.


Action speaks louder than words, and a smile says, I like you; you make me happy; I am glad to see you. Charles Schwa b once said that his smile had been worth a million dollars. For Schwa’s personality, his charm and ability to make people like him were almost wholly responsible for his extra- ordinary success, and one of the delightful factors in his personality was his captivating smile. An insincere grin? .No, that doesn’t fool anybody. We know it is mechanical and we resent it. We know that there will not be anything behind that except the person’s teeth. But a real smile, a heart-warming smile, a smile that comes from within is always a sure passport in human relations.
You must have a good time meeting people if you expect them to have time meeting you. A man rarely succeeds at anything unless he has fun doing it. If you don’t feel like smiling, then what?.Two things; First force yourself a smile. If you are alone force yourself to whistle or hum tune or sing. Secondly, act as if you were already happy, and this will tend to make you happy. Here is the way the late Prof. William James of Harvard puts it; Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together, and by regulating the action which is under the to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together, and by regulating the action which under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not. Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if our cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there.
Keep your mind on the great and splendid things you would like to do and then, as the days go gliding by, you will find yourself unconsciously seizing upon the opportunities that are required for the fulfillment of your desire. We tune ourselves to the task on which our hearts are fixed. There is an ancient Chinese proverb which says, A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.


A man’s name is to him the sweetest and the most important sound. An average man is more interested in his name than he is in all the other names on earth put together. Remember that name and call it easily, and you have paid him a subtle and very effective compliment. But forget or misspell it-and you have placed yourself at a sharp disadvantage. So, build up a system and put in the required effort for remembering names.


There is no substitute for personal contact among individuals. People often dislike persons whom they do not know. But once they get to know them it is a different matter altogether.


Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is as flattering as that. If you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener! Yes, to be Interesting, be interested! Ask questions that the other man enjoys answering. Encourage him to talk about himself and his accomplishments. That is a sure way to make people to like you.


The royal road to a man’s heart is to talk to him about the things he treasures most. So, if you are keen to make a person like you, you take the trouble to find out what he is interested in and what he enjoys talking about. If you are able to engage him in conversation on a topic of his passion, you are most likely to win over him.


This is one all important law of human conduct .If we obey that law, we shall almost never get into trouble. In fact, that law if obeyed will bring us countless friends and constant happiness. The desire to be important and the craving for appreciation is the deepest urge in human nature. You want approval of those with whom you come in contact. You want recognition of your true worth. You want a feeling that you are important in your little world. You don’t want to listen to cheap, insincere flattery but you do crave for sincere appreciation. You want your friends and associates to be, as Charles Schwa puts it, hearty in their approbation and lavish in their praise. All of us want that. So let us obey this golden rule and follow what Jesus Christ summed it up in one thought, Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.


There is only one way under the high heaven to get the best of an argument- and that is to avoid it. You can’t win an argument. You can’t because, if you lose it, you lose it: And if you win, then also you lose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and win your point. Then what? You may feel fine. But what about him? You have hurt his pride.He will resent your triumph. And remember, a man convinced against his will is still of the same opinion. If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes: But it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s goodwill. Buddha said, Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love. A misunderstanding is never ended by an argument by tact, diplomacy, conciliation and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s view-point.


It doesn’t pay to tell a man he is wrong. Be diplomatic; it will help you gain your point. If you are going to prove anything, don’t let anybody know it. Do it subtly, so adroitly that no one will feel that you are doing it. You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong. That will stop all arguments and inspire the other fellow to be just as fair and open and broad-minded as you are. It may make him want to admit he too, may be wrong. Show respect for the other man’s opinions.


Any fool can try to defend his mistakes-and most fools do-but it raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit one’s mistakes. When we are right let us win people gently and tactfully to our way of thinking and when we are wrong-and that will be surprisingly often if we are honest with ourselves-let us admit our mistakes quickly and emphatically. This technique will produce astonishing results.


Punishment generally results in more harm than good. When you have to work with people day after day, when so much depends on their co- operation. Punishment is not the remedy for better work. It only creates resentment. Avoid punishment as far as possible. Firmness is also necessary,
While there is everything to be said for sympathy, diplomacy and patience, you must never forget that kindness must be backed by a determination to see that the job is well done. Be sympathetic, be understanding; but let your men know that you insist on the highest standards of work and that you won’t compromise on this. And if they do not conform they must know that you will take the sternest measures. Make it clear that behind your velvet glove methods there is a steely determination to get a task well done. One of the essentials of good management is that you must get rid of people who have to be removed.


The personal and human touch is very important in human relation. If one of your men looks unwell, ask him about it. If he takes leave to look after his sick wife, find out she is when he comes back. Be sincere in your concern about your men. Personal visits in times of crisis as well as important social occasions leave a lasting impression on men. But, very often we entirely ignore such an approach.


If you treat the other person in a casual manner, belittling him, he is going to remember it for a long time .Be considerate and thoughtful in your behavior with people.


It astonishes the enormous damage a few angry words can do to human relations. A smooth running relationship of a life- time can be ruined. This is happenings all the time simply become people just do not think. They forget to put a check on their tongues and act impulsively.


Three-fourths of the people you will meet tomorrow are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to and they will love you.


Abraham Lincoln said, a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall. So with men If you want to win man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend. Therein is drop of honey that catches his heart which is high road to his reason. If a man’s heart is franking with discord and ill-feeling towards you, can’t win him towards your way of thinking with all the logic available in this world. They can’t be forced or driven to agree with you or me. But they may possibly be led to, if we are gentle and friendly. So, when you wish to win people to your way of thinking, begin in a friendly way. Friendly, sympathetic soft-spoken, appreciative approach always wins.


In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing on things on which you agree. Get the other person saying ‘yes’, ‘yes’, at the outset. Keep him, if possible, from saying “No”.
A ‘No’ response is a most difficult handicap to overcome. When a person has said, all his pride and personality demands that he remains consistent with himself. Hence, it is of the greatest importance that we start a person in the affirmative direction.
The ‘Socratic method’ is based on getting a ‘yes’, ‘yes’ response. The wise Socrates used to ask question with which his opponent would have to agree. He kept on winning one admission after another that almost without realizing, his opponent found himself embracing a conclusion that he would have utterly denied before.
So, if you want to win people to your way of thinking, get the other person say ‘yes’, ‘yes’ immediately.


Most people, when trying to win others way of thinking, do too much talking themselves. It is always better to let the other man talk himself out. Listen patiently and with an open mind. Be sincere about it. Encourage him to express him ideas fully. The truth is that even friends would rather talk to us about their achievements then listen to our achievements. Let us minimize talking about our achievements. Let us be modest. That always makes a hit.


No man likes to feel that he being dictated to do a thing or he is being sold something. We much prefer to feel that we are acting on our own ideas or buying on our own accord. We like to be consulted about our wishes, our wants, and our thoughts. It is always wise to consult the other men and show respect for his advice. When you accomplish a task, it is good to let them feel that the idea was theirs. Is it not wiser to make suggestions rather than try to ram your opinions down the throats of other people? William James once remarked that self- expression is the dominant necessity of human nature. Why not use the same psychology in our work and profession? When we have a brilliant idea to be implemented, instead of making the other person think that it is ours, why not let him feel that he has also contributed to the idea which will insure a cool-heated effort from him.


Most of us, being idealists at heart, like to think of the motives that sound good. So, in order to change people, appeal to the nobler motives.
People are generally honest and want to discharge their obligations the exceptions to that rule are comparatively few and individuals will in most cases react favorably if you make them feel that you consider them honest, upright and fair.


If you want to win people to your way of thinking dramatize your ideas. Merely starting the idea is not enough. The idea has to be made vivid, interesting and dramatic. You have to us show man ship.


The way to get things done from people is to stimulate competition- kindle the desire to excel. The desire to excel! The challenge! It is an infallible way of appealing to men of spirit. Every successful man loves the challenge of the game itself-the change for self- expression, the change to prove his worth, to excel, to win. It is the desire for a feeling of importance. So, if you want to get things done from men-spirited men, men of matte-throw up a challenge.


Build up fellowship in the organization by encouraging suitable activities. Good fellowship and a sense of belonging to the group among its members results in better teamwork and co-operation. It is necessary to build up pride for the organization among its members.

Summary Of Discussions

Basically, people work for love and money and seldom have enough of either. So, if you give top priority to supporting and rewarding people with scope for evolving themselves, you will be blessed with results. The basic principle to get others committed to doing things for you is: Let them know what you expect, examine what is done, support those things that are done well and overlook those non-critical things that are not done well. It is also necessary to thank and recognize the positive contributions of persons with whom you work.
In other words, the basic principles in good human relations are:
1. Appreciate the accomplishments of the person.
2. Avoid destructive criticism:Don’t correct someone right after the act. Hold off till next time and suggest in a challenging way to the person to make positive contribution.
3. Informally visit the people you manage. Don’t look for problems. Look for strengths and things well done-even little things. Make something out of every positive thing you can find. Sincere compliments and thank you-s are so rare they stand out in the memory of persons for years.
4. Write down everything positive you can find. Use the power of the written word to bring out the best.

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